Breaking Free, Finding Me
Eight years ago I found myself in a domestic violence relationship with the father of my child. I endured a lot of pain, fear, embarrassment, trauma, shame and loss of identity. I found myself in a place where I no longer knew who I was, what I wanted, where I was headed, or even if I wanted to live. I didn't know where to go. I just remember looking into my daughter's eyes as she cried and told me she no longer wanted to live with daddy because he acted “like a monster” and wanted “to go back to grandpa's house.”
I can honestly say that I had no idea how I had ended up in that situation. You see, I had always been a strong opinionated woman, the leader type, the one that all her friends looked up to - strong, athletic and a “go-getter.” How did I change so much? How did it happen? What did I do to deserve it all? At the time, of course, I had no clue. I blamed myself a lot. But I finally felt all my prayers being answered as I found the courage in my daughter that I hadn't found in myself.
My journey in finding myself again taught me so much about human nature. I have learned that there is a lot of pain in this world, but there is so much more love and compassion. I have learned that there are many strangers disguised as angels helping fragile individuals. I have learned that a simple smile, hug, handshake can go a long way. As my faith in human nature was restored, it became my passion and duty to pay it forward until my last breath. That is why I love what I do and love helping others. They don't see, and never will see, any judgment in my eyes or words. Because now I understand how anyone, regardless of economic status, background, ethnicity or education, can find themselves in the position I once found myself in. I also know that I can sympathize more with others who may have experienced something similar, or who are just having a hard time identifying with themselves again and finding out who they are. Every day I feel more like the old me and I am loving it. I love the mother I have become, the daughter I have become, the friend I have become, and the counselor I am becoming. Painful life lessons opened my eyes to the world, but I know now that love and compassion conquer pain and evil. Thank you for hearing me out.