Navigating Consent and Substance Use

Determining whether you have consent to have sex can be extra tricky when you or your potential partner(s) have been drinking or using substances.  

Here we define “having sex” as engaging in any sexual activity.  

Below is a scenerio you may be presented with if you choose to use substances. Use this as a guide to help you navigate you and your partner's consent while talking about sex.

Scenario:  You were at a party and you were hitting it off with someone. Now you are alone with them. You have been drinking and/or using other substances, but you feel alert, aware, and capable to make decisions. You ask yourself the following questions to determine how to move forward.

 

Question-1 “Do you want to have sex with them?” 

Options:   

  1. NO, you do not want to have sex with them.
  • Let the person know.  
  • It’s okay not to want sex.  
  • If they are pressuring you → leave and phone or find a friend.  
  1. NO, BUT THEY WANT TO
  • You have the right to set boundaries and decide what happens to your body.  
  • No one has the right to touch or have sex with you without your permission.  
  1. UNSURE
    Things to Consider:
  • What are your expectations?  
  • Do you feel comfortable talking about sex with them?  
  • Would having sex align with your values?  
  • When was the last time you were tested for STIs?  
  • Have you thought about birth control?  
  1. YES
  • Awesome! Now you need to figure out if they want to have sex with you too. 

Question -2 “Has your potential partner(s) been drinking and/or using other substances?” 

Options: 

  1. NO 
  • Ask them if they are interested:  
  • Can I _____?  
  • Do you want to _____?  
  • I’d like to take things further. Can we ______?  
  1. YES 
  • Remember some people may use substances and not show any of these signs.  

Check for incapacitation: 

  • Slurred or jumbled speech  
  • Semi/unconscious  
  • Confusion  
  • Falling asleep  
  • Loss of balance  
  • Vomiting  

Question-3 “Are they incapacitated?” 

Options:   

  1. NO 
  • Ask them if they are interested:  
  • Can I _____?  
  • Do you want to _____?  
  • I’d like to take things further. Can we ______?  
  1. YES / UNSURE → STOP 
  • If the person is not alert or able to make a completely conscious and pressure-free decision, is incapacitated, does not give enthusiastic consent, or changes their mind → you do not have consent.  
  • No one has the right to touch or have sex without consent.  
  • If you are unsure and continue → sexual assault.  

Question-4 “What did they say?” 

Ask: 

  • Can I _____?  
  • Do you want to _____?  
  • I’d like to take things further. Can we ______?  

Options: 

  1. NO / UNSURE 
  • No, Unsure, Let’s just talk, I just want to cuddle  
  • STOP - If the person is not alert or able make a completely conscious and pressure free decision, is incapacitated, does not give enthusiastic consent, or changes their mind, you do not have consent. No one has the right to touch or have sex with another person without consent. If you are unsure and continue, it is sexual assault. 
  1. YES 
  • Yes, Definitely, Nods Head, Heck Yeah!  
  • Great! You are both on the same page and can move forward.  
  • Keep in mind that even though the person said yea, this does not mean unlimited access to their bodies.  
  • Remember to keep checking in with your partner to make sure they are okay with what is happening.  

Consent Reminder 

  • Consent is affirmative, unambiguous, and conscious agreement to participate in sexual activity.  
  • Consent must be ongoing and can be revoked at any time.  
  • Consent is not possible when a person is incapacitated, forced, threatened, or below the legal age of consent.  

 

For more information about Safer Use and Social Safety, please follow the links below:

Preventing Substance Misuse Resources Preventing Sexual Violence Resources HOPE Services Main Page